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| Me as grumpy bear! |
I might appear annoyingly chirpy in some of my blogs but depression is something I suffer from on and off and that affects many people I know. As my t-shirt shows, even the care bears recognise that it's ok to not feel great all the time but somehow there is still a strong stigma and misunderstanding of depression.
People who have never been through depression themselves might not fully understand what it's like (through no fault of their own) but it's more than just general feelings of sadness. When I'm going through an episode I feel empty inside, I'm over-sensitive to criticism, I feel apathetic, I can't make the simplest of decisions, my brain just doesn't work, my memory's bad, I'm clumsy and nervous and make stupid mistakes.
What is most prominent for me is an overwhelming feeling of being unable to cope (which made doing the nutrition diploma whilst working extremely challenging for me!).
I've not found a permanent cure and for me, desperately trying to drag myself out of it has only ever made it worse. Certain things, however I have found to help manage an episode whilst I'm in it.
What is most prominent for me is an overwhelming feeling of being unable to cope (which made doing the nutrition diploma whilst working extremely challenging for me!).
I've not found a permanent cure and for me, desperately trying to drag myself out of it has only ever made it worse. Certain things, however I have found to help manage an episode whilst I'm in it.
Everyone has different strategies for coping & what works for me might not work for another person but here's some things I have found useful:
1. Try to recognise the signs early and intervene as soon as possible.
If you find yourself feeling really negative, overwhelmed and exhausted, unable to cope or being over-sensitive to criticism don't be afraid to seek help. Your GP may be able to refer you for a talking therapy and/or medication if necessary. Talking to a trusted friend or family member may also be of help. If this is not an option there are many helplines (and online communities if you're uncomfortable talking to someone on the phone or in person) that offer a non-judgemental support service. They may not be able to offer you a solution to your problems but sometimes it's just helpful to let it all out. It's far easier (as with any illness) to treat it if you recognise it early.
2. Keep the right balance between working too much and too littleThrough having a kind of therapy called Guided self-help (that was available to me free on the NHS!) I was able to recognise that my depressive episodes were triggered partly by either working too little or too much.
My most recent episode occurred because after 4 years of the stress of my course I wanted to give myself a relaxing break (which is fine!). My problem was I took too long off (I'm ambitious but I do have a bit of a lazy streak!) and when it came to time to start my own business I just felt completely overwhelmed and panicked. I ended up just working 18 hours per week in my part time job and doing less and less as the weeks went by. I lost my confidence and sunk into depression. I found it extremely hard to motivate myself to do anything but I decided to start doing some volunteering at my local food bank once per week, which really helped. I became a bit busier with small things like Christmas shopping (not such a small task if your family is the size of mine!) and helping look after my nephews and niece and this gradually made me feel much better.
If you are unemployed or have too much spare time for any reason try to do at least something whether it's helping out family or friends or volunteering in a charity shop. There are so many things you can do and it can really help increase your confidence and well-being.
On the other hand, if you are over-working with no time for relaxation, this can also trigger depression. When I first started doing the nutrition course I was working full time but I felt pretty euphoric and excited at the prospect of having finally discovered my passion and purpose in life. At the beginning I was full of energy, got high marks and coped pretty well. But the way the course was designed at the time was such that there was literally no break from studying between September and June. By April/May I was going a bit crazy and my grades were getting lower and lower! I managed to make it through somehow and had a lovely holiday in Portugal in the summer as a treat!
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| not trying to be supergirl, this was a fancy dress birthday, just a bit of fun! |
If you're in a situation where the stress seems inescapable (perhaps you're a carer, a new parent or a working student), remember that there is help in some form available if you ask for it. There are all sorts of people and organisations that can offer help and support and sometimes just having a good ol' moan can be therapeutic. No need to try to be superman/woman.
3. Seek out sources of comfort!
Don't be afraid to indulge in the things that make you happy as long as it's not hurting you or other people.
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| Marian Keyes found baking to be of help when she had severe depression. She shared and gave the cakes away rather than eating them all so that's ok! |
Be careful with depending on food or drink as a source of comfort as this can lead to addiction unless you have a healthy relationship with food (which I think most of us don't!). I would be a complete liar if I said I haven't succumbed to this but I do try to find other means of comforting myself.
Examples include:
- watching your favourite TV series. I like to watch Peep show and the Inbetweeners to laugh at the (fictional) misfortune of others when I'm feeling really crap! Inspirational, funny or favourite films from your childhood can also be a source of comfort.
- listening to cheesy music that you secretly like! One thing I like to do is listen to Christmas songs when it's nowhere near Christmas! Not especially cool but it helps bring back nostalgic feelings of when I was young, really happy and excited & it's a source of comfort to me. I use headphones!
- looking at beautiful images on Google to remind yourself that there is positivity and beauty in the universe
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| When I'm feeling down I like to view beautiful pictures of like this on google images. |
- spending some time in nature can be really therapeutic. I love to go to Regent's park in London and look at the beautiful flowers
- I personally love exercise, especially ice skating.
- Talking to my friends and family. I have quality rather than quantity when it comes to friends which I'm happy with!
4. Let go of guilt!
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| whether you're religious or not, this just makes so much sense! |
Allow yourself to be upset about your problems, whatever they may be. When we hear about disaster, extreme poverty and terrorism in the world, we can often feel like our problems are insignificant and that we're not allowed to ever complain or moan. Whilst it is true that there are always people far worse off and it's so important to appreciate what you have, this kind of thinking has worsened my depression.
But, importantly, if the problem is something that affects your life negatively try to think of what practical steps you can do about it. I've been guilty so many times of spending so much time dwelling on something that I haven't tried to do anything about it. Like for example, when studying for my diploma my laptop would have an annoying tendency to freeze when I was trying to complete an assignment and had an impending deadline, the first thought in my head has often been 'this sucks but most people in the world can't afford a laptop, so I can't grumble'. A much more useful thought would be 'Can I get my laptop fixed?'
I've written about letting go of guilt in a broader sense in my blog:
http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/more-guilty-nutritional-therapy.html
5. Read 'Sane new world' by Ruby Wax! But, importantly, if the problem is something that affects your life negatively try to think of what practical steps you can do about it. I've been guilty so many times of spending so much time dwelling on something that I haven't tried to do anything about it. Like for example, when studying for my diploma my laptop would have an annoying tendency to freeze when I was trying to complete an assignment and had an impending deadline, the first thought in my head has often been 'this sucks but most people in the world can't afford a laptop, so I can't grumble'. A much more useful thought would be 'Can I get my laptop fixed?'
I've written about letting go of guilt in a broader sense in my blog:
http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/more-guilty-nutritional-therapy.html
UK based Organisations that may be of help:
Samaritans - A helpline for those with depression or suicidal thoughts. www.samaritans.org
CALM - a phoneline specifically aimed at males with depression to help reduce the incidence of male suicide. They also produce a magazine and have an online community. www.thecalmzone.net
Maytree - a London based sanctuary for those feeling suicidal. www.maytree.org.uk
MIND (run free or inexpensive courses and support for those with mental health issues) mind.org.uk
Rethink - Offer various support services for those with mental health issues. www.rethink.org
turn2me.org Online support for depression and suicidal feelings.
NHS-based mental health services: - http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/MentalHealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx
IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies). NHS based talking therapies for depression and anxiety. www.iapt.nhs.uk
This list is not exhaustive and these are only a few examples but my message is that there is help out there!
Great post. Thank you. I've had depression too and there are times when everything seems to be going well in life but then little by little, without you even realizing what’s going on, depression sneaks back into your life. By the time you realize it; you’re in too deep and can’t see a way out. Just to agree with you, point by point, and to say how it relates to my life and my depression and possibly how other people might try to get over their depression:
ReplyDelete1. I knew the signs were there but I just tried to ignore them, it's too easy to think 'no, I'm fine, I'm okay really' and carry on as normal. Instead of saying, 'wait, this could be the start of a downward spiral so I need to address these feelings now and not ignore them'.
2. Work / life balance – I was working too much, not exactly full time but lots of overtime and my life consisted of work, eating, sleeping and hardly anything else for months. It got too much and I got to the point where I couldn't see a way out and thought this would be my life forever and life would never get better and I would never succeed at anything… I felt trapped and frustrated, easily agitated and then I got signed off work from too much stress and anxiety.
3. I was trying to be really strict with my money and didn't spend too much for a while but I decided to comfort myself by registering with Netflix. It's given me lots of films and programmes to watch and look forward to. I'm also finding comfort in learning to drive and in re-learning maths (self-taught from library books). Confidence is completely killed by depression so anything, however small and insignificant that builds confidence in yourself has got to be a good thing. Another great source of comfort and confidence-building is watching 'TED talks' on YouTube, they are very motivational and inspiring.
4. Depression loves guilt. This is also made worse by well-meaning people telling someone with depression, 'you have a roof over your head and food on your table (or whatever else they ‘should’ be grateful for) and a lot of people don't have that luxury so just get over yourself!' Very harsh but a lot of people say it and a lot of people with depression think it. It's not a good way to 'snap out of' depression though. Letting go of guilt and allowing yourself to be upset about your problems, as you say, is crucial. It is important to acknowledge our feelings, emotions and how we think and to accept them exactly as they are – not to try to belittle them by trying to convince ourselves that other people have it worse and we ‘should’ be thinking of how lucky we are and we ‘should’ be thinking of other people and we ‘should’ be helping other people instead etc. Those feelings of guilt hurt us even more. There are cognitive behavioural therapy techniques to help with letting go of guilt and shame. CBT didn’t work for me as a sole source of therapy, but using specific CBT techniques in addition to other therapy, is very helpful. Not to completely change the subject but I think guilt might also be a feminist issue, women are taught (drilled, even) to feel guilty from the moment they’re born. It might help to learn if you’ve had feelings of guilt drilled into you as a child (whether male or female) and to think ‘yes I feel guilty but I know where that guilt is coming from and I’m not going to let it dictate my life any more’.
5. Not read all of it yet but so far, it’s a great, light-hearted look at depression with techniques to help.
oh wow, thanks for your input. glad you liked it and you understand where I'm coming from. hopefully I can reach out to people :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sam, thanks for this, I love your clear and intelligent writing! I can really relate to how you describe your depression too. It is the strangest thing how it can change your whole perception of yourself and the world and like Maria says it does kind of just "creep in"
ReplyDeleteMuch Love, Iris
thank you! glad you liked it! Totally true. it's totally true about it changing your perception of yourself. I can actually remember asking close friends and family how they would describe me to someone because I didn't really know who I was any more. I hope it's useful advice for people x
DeleteI think the photo at the end should be worded in a different way. 'You're not allowed' to give up sounds ever so slightly offensive. it would be better if it said 'you don't need to give up'. it's not trying to say that people who take their own lives are selfish or weak, just that there is another option.
ReplyDelete