War & Peace. Settling battles between humour and offence

I was inspired to write this blog after a brief, minor internet argument I had the other day. I'm a peaceful person and I feel strongly about being civil to those who have different beliefs and behaviour as I've mentioned in my blog.

http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/

2014/07/cant-we-just-all-get-along-little-about.html .

Many angry heated arguments (both on the internet and in person) often spur from disagreements about issues and the way people interpret or misinterpret statements and supposed jokes. 

This is how it usually goes on facebook: 

• Joke is posted followed by x number of 'likes' and positive reactions. 
• Somebody is offended, feels the joke is targeted at them and becomes upset and retaliates
• The perpetrator of the joke accuses the offended of overreacting and having no sense of humour
• Heated argument and hostile comment thread that usually involves trying to find spelling mistakes in the other person's argument, accusing the other person of having too much spare time and other childish put-downs.

Perhaps the perpetrator genuinely didn't feel they said anything wrong or offensive (maybe they didn't) and feels no remorse for what they said. Or perhaps underneath they feel bad for upsetting someone or that their joke was deemed unfunny and wish to pass the all responsibility onto the victim, thus calling them a crybaby or accusing them of having no sense of humour.

How does the offended person feel?  They might be upset by what was said and more upset for being labelled a 'crybaby' and being told to just 'get over it'. Or maybe they don't actually really care that much. It can be hard to really tell on the internet even with emoticons!



Who's right and who's wrong? (& the number of 'likes' each comment gets does not determine this!) Does it really matter too much who has 'won' the argument?

I've been in both positions before and it can be hard to draw the lines sometimes. If we tried to speak and express ourselves without ever offending anyone no one would ever say anything.  I don't like political correctness taken to extremes and feeling like we're never allowed to use certain words or express ourselves.  At the same time there are some things that simply are not acceptable to say or joke about.  I don't think people should just think they can say whatever the hell they want without ever worrying about the impact it might have on someone. The 'sticks and stones' saying is not true, words can hurt.

As a vegan I still found the idea of
 a guy eating the pet dog of a girl he 
was trying to impress hilarious!
LOVE PEEP SHOW!

Although I'm a highly sensitive person or 'empath', I do love to laugh, I'm extremely sarcastic and I have quite a vulgar/weird sense of humour. I like to watch Peep show, the Inbetweeners and the Simpsons (which can be extremely politically incorrect sometimes!). I love to watch bad X factor auditions and laugh at other people making a complete fool of themselves, others might consider that cruel. I'm sure some people might find me offensive, I can become opinionated and sometimes come out with some strange things after a few drinks.

Nonetheless, I still personally find this 'if you're offended it's your problem' attitude extremely arrogant.  Both parties need to take some responsibility and have a think about what they've said and the other person's feelings.

If you're someone who tends to offend people frequently, rather than assuming the person you offended is just a 'crybaby' or accusing them of having no sense of humour, it's good to open your mind as to why that person feels the way they feel.  There might have been an experience in their life that made them particularly sensitive about certain things, they could have depression or another mental disorder. They could belong to a minority group that is constantly ridiculed (like vegans!) and/or oppressed and could be seriously tired of hearing it, even if it is deemed a joke.  

If you're a person who finds yourself frequently feeling offended and comments make a lasting impact on you remember that people are not usually trying to attack you personally. This doesn't mean you don't have to tolerate anyone saying something that's seriously offensive to you about your race, age, gender, religion, size, sexual orientation or anything else and you have the right to stick up for yourself. It doesn't make you a 'cry baby' or mean you have no sense of humour.

This is a slightly exaggerated version of me! 

On the other hand, if you do have issues with depression or low self-esteem that make you feel offended by the most minor things, it might be a good idea to get help. 

Sometimes when people have said to me I've lost weight when I haven't I find myself thinking 'Oh so you're saying I was really fat before?' I realise this is to do with how I feel about myself and is not really about what the person said. Let's face it, it's unlikely that 'you look like you've lost weight' was intended to be an insult! Like I said in my previous blog, it's great and liberating when you take steps to improve your self-confidence. You can learn to laugh at yourself and embrace your imperfections.



There's nothing wrong with a civil debate and differences of opinion but it's possible for this to occur without hostility, blame-shifting and resentment.

When we have a busy life we don't always take the time to stop and consider our own and other people's thoughts and feelings and how they impact on our relationships and interactions with people.  But I believe doing so might make for a more contented and peaceful existence. :)